Blog 4

    "Death, on the other hand, is the final silence," is a quote from Audre Lorde that really left an impression on me. Death scares me. The thought of dying has so many unknowns involved that I feel overwhelmed with anxiety. Death being the final silence is a simple fact about what death entails, but I feel like it shows the weight of what Lorde is trying say. If we live our lives in various levels of silence, by the time the final silence arrives, we will have regretted the little silences that came before it. We should not be afraid to make some noise. We should not feel as if our voices do not matter or as if they will not be heard. Our voices are not insignificant like we may believe. If we care about something, if we are passionate and have the will-power to make a change, then we should not allow ourselves to be silenced, either by other people or our own minds. 

    I also felt like I related to Lorde a lot when I read this story. I am not necessarily the loudest of people. Normally, people say their first impression of me is "a shy and quiet girl." I  would not say they are wrong, but they definitely are not the most accurate descriptions of me either. In certain situations, I struggle to speak up and allow myself to revert into a quiet and observing state rather than a loud and active state. If I am around people I am comfortable with, I am not quiet at all, but when I am in social situations with a lot of people around, I struggle with anxiety. I remain silent even when I have something to say or even if I know the answer in rooms with a lot of people because I do not like the attention and fear what they might think of me. However, there are situations where I force myself to be loud and say my thoughts. During group projects, I am normally the "leader" or the one who steps up when no one else will. During my classes with a smaller number of students, I will be the one to raise my hand to speak when no one else will. I will volunteer to read out loud for the class if needed despite the fact that, somedays, I am not the best at reading out loud without stumbling over my words. There are times when I am that quiet and shy introvert, but there are also times where I am the leader who volunteered first.

    I often find myself thinking about what my life would be like if I was not an introvert. How would others perceive me if I was outspoken and did not let myself seek the comfort of staying silent? If I was an extrovert, would my life be easier or harder? If I took Lorde's advise by not staying silent, how would my life change? I may never know.